I don’t know how many times I have heard the phrase or said the phrase or typed the phrase or in some way displayed the phrase in my home, my workspace, taped inside notebooks, etc., but somewhere along the way, I forced myself to really believe it: “whether or not it is apparent to you, the universe is unfolding exactly as it should.” I’ve literally said this to myself, out loud, in times when I particularly needed to believe. There have been days where deep down, I thought it was crap, but I vowed to fake it ‘til I made it, and eventually, it did bleed over into something I really, truly believe.
And so it has been for us. Not all the elements of our story have fallen into place like we thought and imagined they would, and certainly not according to the time frame we believed to be our reality. The last few years have taught us so much. We’ve learned to let go, to embrace different options and outcomes, to have faith, to breathe through it, to believe that in the end, things would be as they are meant to. None of those lessons were easy, and none of them came without a struggle. As much as we’ve breathed and believed and powered positivity into our days, we’ve also given into tears and worst case scenario thinking and the sads. But the truth is that any journey worth traveling will bring a mixture of joy and pain, of triumph and disappointment, of brilliant sun and blinding rain. I’ve done my best to begin each day vowing to myself to smile, to choose joy, to embrace and surround our world with positivity, to celebrate as much as possible and to just. keep. going. For me, the most difficult part has been learning how to accept an infinite unknown, how to let go of things that are simply not mine to control, no matter how much I may want to.
And all of that walking, all of that accepting, all of that moving forward and choosing the way in which we interact with the world has led us here. And here is such a wonderful, magical place. For us, it’s even more magical because we honestly didn’t know if we’d ever arrive. In case my not-so subtle hints from previous posts and dramatic build up in this one haven’t fully given it away, “here” is the path to parenthood. We are overjoyed to open our hearts and lives to a new little Carretta in late June. This blessing has already cracked our hearts wide open and rocked our worlds in the most awesome, unexpected way and he/she is only fifteen weeks (and a couple of days) along. I can’t even really imagine the joy and wonder that lie ahead, and I know for sure that I have never been so excited about anything. I am honored and humbled and awed by this gift, and I still pinch myself every day as a reminder that it is actually happening, that it is -- at last -- our turn.
I haven’t shared a lot of our journey to parenthood here, but we have felt your prayers and support and love in ways we can’t ever really express or repay. Thank you. It isn’t enough, but I have never typed truer words.
I am very excited to document this journey, and I think I'll do weekly posts with updates and photos and the like. This one is already epically long, so I'll end with brief thoughts: at a little more than 15 weeks, Baby C is approximately the size of an apple, can suck his/her thumb and make all variety of facial expressions and is as busy as ever developing critical functions and organs and such. I'm feeling great, my appetite has (mostly) returned as has my energy, I'm getting used to the serious belly action that is suddenly happening, and am simply beyond grateful for every single second. Much more to come, but for now, joy abounds at the anticipation of our little one. :)
Nana is over the moon and back. Never have two people deserved the title of mommy and daddy more than you two..
Baby Carretta has hit the parental jackpot.
I thank God daily for his endless blessings upon my family. I cannot wait to meet this precious miracle.
Posted by: Lee Ann Brock | January 07, 2012 at 11:10 PM
Amen!
Posted by: MIL | January 08, 2012 at 06:32 PM
OMG!!!!! I just opened this morning and am so excited and I can hardly contain it. Congratulations!! It is so your time and I couldn't be happier for you guys! I was just telling Seth this past weekend that I was coming to see you this summer. Must have had a premonition. I'm calling later!! XOXO!
Posted by: Robin Estep | January 09, 2012 at 07:33 AM
And yet again I find myself crying at one of your beautiful posts! It is your time and no one is more deserving. You weathered the past three years with an epic amount of grace and goodness and positivity. The energy you put out into the world is the energy that comes back...and that is precisely what happened in the creation of Baby Carretta! Love you!
Posted by: AK | January 09, 2012 at 03:44 PM
Thanks, all. It's so fun to share the excitement with all of you and your love and encouragement make the entire process even sweeter. Much love to all!
Posted by: bopril | January 09, 2012 at 04:06 PM
So happy for you April, congratulations!
Posted by: Becky | January 10, 2012 at 07:23 PM
Bobby and I are SO happy for you guys!!! You and BJ are going to be awesome parents and (of course) your mom and dad will be the best grandparents a baby could ask for! Will look forward to watching [reading] your journey to parenthood and beyond.
Posted by: Dee Dee Lewis | January 11, 2012 at 10:19 AM
I know from personal experience how difficult it is to watch EVERYONE else in the world (or so it seems) become pregnant when you can't. However, because of this fact, you will even enjoy this precious gift more than you thought possible. I am so happy I cannot stand it. I love you....all 3 of you! :)
Posted by: Alisa Young | January 11, 2012 at 10:50 AM