Bopril

Baby C: 17 & 18 Weeks

I continue to struggle with this baby bump documentation adventure, and I have heard from many of you that it is just unacceptable. Duly noted, so here I am with an update for you. :)

In an attempt to catch up, I am combining weeks 17 and 18, and I should probably confess that the photos were taken a couple of days apart, with crap lighting, zero thought toward composition and no real sense of consistency at all. This will be clearly evident in a moment, but I feel better now that I've proactively admitted to it. I think these photo sessions may need to be moved to weekends in order to achieve higher quality photos and a better, more consistent cadence. Stay tuned.

In the interim though, enjoy a little evidence that things are getting "bumpier" by the day over here.

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At 17 weeks, our wee one was the approximate size of an onion and was hard at work mastering reflexes! He/she was apparently a sucking and blinking machine, and might have even had a bout or two of hiccups. The babe also began to form fat beneath the skin (ew) which helps to prepare for the temperature transition on the (still) long journey from inside to outside.

As for me, I continued to feel pretty good overall, and apart from the episode of fatigue here and there, went about normal activities at work and at home. I began digging around online (mostly Pinterest) to peek at furniture and tiny clothes and imagine all the possibilities and fun that lie ahead. I continued to be excited times infinity and as always, tried to keep the neuroses to a minimum and just be present, grateful and happy from moment to moment. It was a good week.

17 weeks looked like this:

At 18 weeks, Baby C is the size of a sweet potato (aw, sweet!) and is experiencing hardening bones and can allegedly begin to hear sound. This is very exciting and I have plans of talking and singing his or her ear off and am already beginning to ponder what books I should read aloud. It is never too early to start those good habits, right? And Husband is ready to fire up the headphones with the stylings of Eminem and other musical favorites. We may hold off on the hip-hop just for now and introduce a gentler tune to start things off. Time will tell.

Apart from the occasional ache or pull here, and sudden onset of Need Sleep Now from time to time, I am feeling terrific and was thrilled to hear that awesome heartbeat at my doctor's appointment this week. I appear to be measuring well and on track and am counting the days (and let's be honest, sometimes the minutes) to our next appointment, which is the big 20 week ultrasound with a full anatomy evaluation, and --- fingers crossed --- the big reveal that will tell us if this wee one is a He or a She. I continue to take everything in from an awestruck, surreal state where I constantly cycle through gratitude, joy, obscene excitement and neurotic fear and apprehension. Mostly though, I am just so damn happy and grateful to be here at all, and I can't wait for each new day and milestone in front of us. We also did our first "drive by" at a Baby Store and looked at cribs and rocked in gliders, imagining many hours of both coloring our future. It was such fun.

18 Weeks looks like this (I should caveat that this is by FAR the most snug item of clothing I have dared to wear so far, and it does exaggerate the bump. I'll likely return to less form fitting things straight ahead. Also, pardon the slightly blurry self photo, but Husband wasn't yet home from work, and I could not put off pajamas a moment longer. As you were!):

Hang tight and grow well, Baby C! I can't wait to see what next week brings.

I Will Remember

I will remember the twinkle in your eye and the joyous tail wagging that was a constant soundtrack to our days.

Your willingness to give kisses: from my red, black and white bedroom where you soothed the tears of a high school girl who was devastated over some boy to the house in Morgantown where you welcomed me home from college and from LA and from Chicago, always with hearty licks and joy.

I will remember you running, ears flapping behind you as you wore circular paths into our back yard and chased right on my heels up 16 flights of stairs when I snuck you in my college dorm.

Riding shotgun in my car, face pressed to the window so as not to miss a thing. Cuddled behind my knees, my favorite way to sleep for so many years.

I will remember when it was just you and the parental units, and the joy you gave Mom especially. She never really suffered an empty nest, because she always had you.

You lunging at Jack and earning the nickname "Puppers the Beast," even though I know you would really never have hurt a fly.

I will remember how you stole Dad's heart and earned your place in our family and our hearts forever.

How you were there for so many life stages, how you've colored time all these years --- some of the most important years of my life. I will remember how it felt to hear you were gone, how it stopped time, just for a minute and stretched my brain to uncomfortable limits. How I couldn't grasp --- still can't--- that you're gone.

But most of all, I will remember the joy. I'll remember how we played and chased and snuggled and shared a million moments that nothing--- not even time --- can ever take from us. And I will remember the last time I hugged you, how you reacted to the ocean, how you defied the end just a little longer and trotted down the sand in search of your next adventure.

I hope you are finding the greatest adventure of all, and that you will look in on us from time to time. I know you will.

I love you, sweet girl. Big sloppy kisses and lots of cheese to you as you cross over the rainbow bridge. I will remember. Always and always.

MLK

It has been a blissfully uneventful weekend at Casa Carretta, and I am enjoying our extra day immensely. I've gone on a bit of a reading bender, have plans for a special creative project for the year, am contemplating a few errands, and most of all, am loving extended snuggle time with my two favorite furry faces.

And yes, I did wake up this morning and give Mr. King appropriate headspace and acknowledgement before heading into our day. Especially as we embark on a campaign year, I think of his dream quite often and how it very much applies today.

Happy MLK Monday, friends.

A view of one side of my lap:



And the other:



Cute overload, am I right?! Makes motivating for errands especially difficult. :)

PS: I know I am behind on the promised weekly Baby C updates. It turns out I don't love a project that centers around taking photos of myself (you're shocked, I know), but I do want to document this, so I promise to improve. :) In the interim, will you accept an awkwardly composed sneak peek?



As you can see, things are certainly expanding over here. :)

2012 and That Whole Resolution Thing

Seeing as we have just finished the first week of 2012, it seems fitting to address that whole resolution topic. In general, I am pretty gung-ho for any excuse to reset, take stock, set goals and track progress, but even so, I don’t have a tried and true ritual as it relates to New Year resolutions. Some years, I do them in naggingly specific detail, and other years, I take a more laid back approach.

This year is a hybrid of those approaches, and I am essentially orbiting all goals, thoughts, wishes, and the like around one central theme. For the last couple of years, I have seen several folks in the blogosphere begin the year with one word that will define the coming 365 days, and every time I’ve thought I could never do that. But this year, very organically, a word stood out to me loud and clear.

That word is:

And so, while I’m not necessarily laying out a very specific list of goals to track against this year, I am challenging myself to place intention at the heart of everything. That might look different from day to day and month to month, but hopefully will help me achieve an overall shift toward center, toward a sense of balance that is different than the elusive (and frankly, fairy tale) sentiment so many of us spend so much time (and energy) chasing. I don’t believe we can “have it all” at the very same time, but I do believe we can take charge of what commands our focus, our energy, and our time each day.

I am not limiting myself or my activities, I am just giving them a filter. When I really stop to think about it, there are just way too many things --- from eating to spending to organizing and accepting responsibilities --- that I do without really thinking. Just status quo. Almost automated. I think this subtle shift is going to go a long way toward the bigger picture and end goal of living more mindfully. It won’t happen all the time or be anywhere near perfect, but over time, small changes can add up to big impact, and I think (hope) that might be the case here.

So, specifically, what might this mean for 2012? In no particular order:

• More books, less TV (yes, I will still watch TV. I love TV. I just don’t need to watch every new show that debuts, and honestly, there are a few in my current line-up that I could easily delete.)
• More writing/creating, less mindless interweb browsing (This one is HUGE. I lose hours falling down the rabbit hole the internet creates. I need to be much more intentional with my time in this space, and shift the ratio of creating/consuming more toward creating in 2012.)
• More water, less every other liquid (I am working so very hard on this one. Baby C is the primary driver behind this motivation, but it’s something I’ve needed to work on for a long time, and this is going to be my year.) (Erin, can I get an AMEN?!)
• More moving, less complaining (I am done with elaborate fitness related goals and plans. Move more. Eat less crap. It’s pretty much that simple. Since I’ll be doing a lot of expanding this year (ha), I’m very realistic that 2012 isn’t likely to be the year of my leanest self, but I want it to be the start of the healthiest me I can be, relevant circumstances accounted for.)
• More intentional kindness (I like to think I’m a kind person by nature, but I too often default to the electronic way these days, and I need to be better about this. I want to write more letters, send more birthday cards, make more phone calls to those I love, etc.)
• More mindful spending/less spontaneous buying (This is the year to really embrace financial planning. There are major things in store for us that are adding to the urgency --- having a child, buying a home, etc --- but I also just feel so much better when the financial ship is sailing smoothly, and there is no reason why it shouldn’t.)
• More walks, more sunsets, more deep breaths, less sweating the small stuff and worrying about things beyond my control and about the actions and reactions of others. That is their business, not mine. (‘Nuff said, amirite?!)
• More date nights with Husband, more play time with fur babes
• More self-confidence, assurance, and giving myself a break (at work, at home, as I work to accomplish these shifts, as I embrace Motherhood --- when I love and care for me, I am better at loving and caring for everything, and everyone, else, period.)
• More church (this one is for you, Mom. Kidding! I’m still a very faithful person, but I’ve let the regular practice of it slip in recent years, and – especially as we welcome a little one into our home and our hearts – I’d like to get back into a better groove spiritually.)

I am interested to see how this exercise impacts my daily routine (and state of mind) as well as the longer term. Here’s to living with intention in 2012 and beyond.

In Due Time

I don’t know how many times I have heard the phrase or said the phrase or typed the phrase or in some way displayed the phrase in my home, my workspace, taped inside notebooks, etc., but somewhere along the way, I forced myself to really believe it: “whether or not it is apparent to you, the universe is unfolding exactly as it should.” I’ve literally said this to myself, out loud, in times when I particularly needed to believe. There have been days where deep down, I thought it was crap, but I vowed to fake it ‘til I made it, and eventually, it did bleed over into something I really, truly believe. 

And so it has been for us. Not all the elements of our story have fallen into place like we thought and imagined they would, and certainly not according to the time frame we believed to be our reality. The last few years have taught us so much. We’ve learned to let go, to embrace different options and outcomes, to have faith, to breathe through it, to believe that in the end, things would be as they are meant to. None of those lessons were easy, and none of them came without a struggle. As much as we’ve breathed and believed and powered positivity into our days, we’ve also given into tears and worst case scenario thinking and the sads. But the truth is that any journey worth traveling will bring a mixture of joy and pain, of triumph and disappointment, of brilliant sun and blinding rain. I’ve done my best to begin each day vowing to myself to smile, to choose joy, to embrace and surround our world with positivity, to celebrate as much as possible and to just. keep. going. For me, the most difficult part has been learning how to accept an infinite unknown, how to let go of things that are simply not mine to control, no matter how much I may want to.

And all of that walking, all of that accepting, all of that moving forward and choosing the way in which we interact with the world has led us here. And here is such a wonderful, magical place. For us, it’s even more magical because we honestly didn’t know if we’d ever arrive. In case my not-so subtle hints from previous posts and dramatic build up in this one haven’t fully given it away, “here” is the path to parenthood. We are overjoyed to open our hearts and lives to a new little Carretta in late June. This blessing has already cracked our hearts wide open and rocked our worlds in the most awesome, unexpected way and he/she is only fifteen weeks (and a couple of days) along. I can’t even really imagine the joy and wonder that lie ahead, and I know for sure that I have never been so excited about anything. I am honored and humbled and awed by this gift, and I still pinch myself every day as a reminder that it is actually happening, that it is -- at last -- our turn.

I haven’t shared a lot of our journey to parenthood here, but we have felt your prayers and support and love in ways we can’t ever really express or repay. Thank you. It isn’t enough, but I have never typed truer words.

I am very excited to document this journey, and I think I'll do weekly posts with updates and photos and the like. This one is already epically long, so I'll end with brief thoughts: at a little more than 15 weeks, Baby C is approximately the size of an apple, can suck his/her thumb and make all variety of facial expressions and is as busy as ever developing critical functions and organs and such. I'm feeling great, my appetite has (mostly) returned as has my energy, I'm getting used to the serious belly action that is suddenly happening, and am simply beyond grateful for every single second. Much more to come, but for now, joy abounds at the anticipation of our little one. :) 

Happy Birthday, Cooper!

I can't believe five years have passed since we brought this fur baby home. They really do go by in a blink.

Thanks for the daily laughs and snuggles, little man. It is such fun to celebrate you.



















Singing happy birthday:

Enjoying presents:

2011 Year In Review

2011 brought us a lot of adventure and fun, and we're at least a tad sentimental to have already said goodbye, but we are equally excited for 2012 and all that lies ahead. For whatever reason, 2011 was also they year when writing on the blog was fairly light and photos with the fancy camera were exceptionally so. I have thousands of photos from my iPhone though, so pardon the mish-mosh of small and large, good quality and not-so that you'll see below, but at least the good times were captured, whatever the medium. 

I write this from our final day of holiday vacation, with work and all the trimmings of the real world waiting for us tomorrow. The last couple of weeks have been exceptional, packed with family time and my favorite combination of soul-soothing awesome: sun on my face and sand in my shoes. We rang in 2012 in our living room, enjoying a feast of appetizers that husband whipped up. It was enough food for 20, and we enjoyed a quiet evening reminiscent of years (way) past alternating between New Years Rockin' Eve and the bevy of movies featured on every cable channel. We fell asleep well before the ball dropped, but did manage to wake just long enough to see the East Coast clock slip from 11:59 to 12:00 and to whisper happy new year before conking out for good. We're wild and crazy these days, and the truth is that we love it. In fact, it is without question my favorite way to ring in a brand new year.

But before we trudge headfirst into 2012, herewith, our 2011 in review. I've decided to forgo links this year since the writing was light to begin with, but feel free to click through archives if a particular topic strikes your curiosity. 

Best wishes for an amazing 2012, from our family to yours.

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We usher in 2011 snuggled into MIL's cozy lake house surrounded by family, game playing, champagne sipping and loud conversation. New Years Day brings a trip to a nearby park where we race up a million stairs to fly down steep tracks on sleds, shrieking and laughing our way into a brand new year. We embrace four years of marriage, and four years of Cooper with equal elation and gratitude and celebratory antics.

We enjoy a getaway to ski in Utah, encounter a record breaking blizzard in Chicago, celebrate Valentine's Day and I turn 32.

We scratch the travel bug in a pretty significant way, spending much of March touring Italy and falling head over heels for Rome, Florence, Tuscany, Venice and Cinque Terre. We stand literally in the center of history, toss coins into the Trevi fountain, eat gelato and pasta and drink wine to the point of gluttony, climb to the top of the Duomo, gape at the majesty of the Vatican, get lost in a sea so blue it is blinding, tour a private castle and make friends with its owners while enjoying their much cherished wine, enjoy a gondola ride just as the sun bathes the Grand Canal in the most stunning light. Life is exceptionally good, and we vow to come back, to always remember, to cherish a very special trip.

The Easter bunny visits our boys, and we make our annual trek to Kentucky for the Derby, donning hats and suits and all variety of finery to represent Southern roots and our family's favorite weekend of the year. My very best friend --- she's my sister more than my friend --- has a beautiful baby girl she names Everly and my heart bursts open in a brand new way. I scoot to Connecticut as quickly as I can and I snuggle and rock and bounce and love her within an inch of her life. I marvel again and again at how I can love something so small so fiercely. A lifetime of girl talk begins.

We (slowly) welcome Spring, and then Summer and with it, plenty of opportunities to fill the house with fresh flowers, cook all meals and lots of fruit on the grill, visit the dog beach, and spend ample time soaking up the sun (and the rain) at the lake. Jack turns six, and we celebrate every sweet furry inch of him. I rock the fedora as much as possible, and make a long overdue trip back to Kentucky to celebrate a very special birthday for a very special Aunt. We enjoy our very first sail on Lake Michigan, and after I take a turn at the wheel, we enjoy fireworks high above Navy Pier to close out the night. We take in the Air and Water Show from another boat on Lake Michigan and enjoy a marvelous weekend with Mom and family friends checking out all that Chicago has to offer. Our great love of music returns, and we spend a weekend at Lollapalooza rocking out and drinking cold beer against the scorching cityscape of Chicago's summer.

We say goodbye to summer with an awesome lake weekend, walk in the rain for our furry friends at PAWS, and spend as much time outside as possible as we welcome the most spectacular fall Chicago has seen in years. We walk again for our furry friends at the annual Mutt Strut and Husband runs his very first marathon. We make signs and run all over the city screaming for him, and we're so very proud. We're thrilled to usher in the holiday season with Halloween, and we take our little lamb and duck to the neighborhood block party and to trick or treat festivities across the city to celebrate.

We go to Connecticut where I make my godmother role official at sweet Everly's baptism. She is amazing, and I rock her to sleep while she holds onto her little bunny and I know for sure that there is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for her. We celebrate Thanksgiving at the lake and we're so grateful for so much; there aren't words or time or photos enough to really express how much. MIL reinstates her annual Christmas party, and we have such fun catching up with friends and family and gobbling yummy food. Husband turns 33, and we toast to him and another great year to come. And then, of course, we eat cake. There is always cake. We wind down the year with a week in Charleston with my family, and even though it is cliche to say so, it is divine and awesome and exactly what I need. Walks and yummy meals and sunshine and my favorite holiday with my favorite people all in one place fills my heart to bursting and reminds me yet again that my blessings are rich and many. It goes too fast, as it always does. I miss them immensely, as I always do. It's a very merry Christmas, indeed.

This is but a mere sampling of the amazing minutes and moments and events that make up a year, and I'm sure that I'm forgetting a few here and there, but all in all, this exercise is a lovely reminder of how lucky and loved we are. Each day brings a blessing, and I'm humbled at year's end to collect them all and relive their magic for a little while before we open the door to see what lies ahead.

Thank you for stopping by, for reading and encouraging and sending love our way. We send it right back.