I have mentioned here before that I'm a bit of a mess when it comes to fitness, and if I'm being honest, that is a bit of an HUGE understatement. I tend to engage with exercise in fits and bursts and awkward cycles that are either all-out maniacal (and therefore last a very short while), or exceptionally on-again, off-again, where the off-again part can stretch several months long. For example, I have worked out only a couple of times since we moved to Bucktown. Lest you've forgotten, that move happened in July. At the beginning of July, to be specific.
For me, resolving to get fit or stay fit or chase fitness on January 1 is old-news, tired, cliched. I'm done with it, and I'm done with the self berating that inevitably accompanies it. Because fitness isn't really what requires resolve at the end of the day. Discipline is. I can purchase gear and sign up for races and read articles and subscribe to fitness blogs until the end of time, but until I conquer the ever-elusive art of practicing a disciplined life, all of it is destined to end up in the exact same place. Which is nowhere, and a vicious cycle of nowhere at that.
Don't misunderstand---I'd love for 2011 to be the year where I finally achieve a balanced and consistent relationship with fitness and with my overall health, but my focus is going to be on discipline. Discipline is much bigger than just a commitment to exercise---it's a commitment to me, to improving life in all the areas that are mine to control. One day, and one action, at a time.
So yes, it includes a resolve to exercise regularly, but also to get in the kitchen and prepare more healthy meals, to plan ahead and think about healthy snacks and lunches for work, to enforce a mandatory shut-off time for work and the blackberry so I can focus on other priorities. The list continues: a promise to do more joyful things, which for me include reading and writing and getting outdoors, traveling and staying in closer contact with beloved friends and family, taking photos, learning how to make videos. Taking control of my health---making those appointments---doing the work that needs to be done. Refusing to fall into bed without first washing my face, making the bed because it begins my day with order (and I like order), walking the fur babes and being patient with them instead of dashing out and bouncing around anxiously waiting for them to complete their "business." Kicking excuses to the curb, but also taking a break and time away when needed. I could go on for miles, and I think this is likely true for all of us (especially those of us of the Type A variety, am I right?).
But that isn't the point. Because I haven't written all of these things down on a list to be checked off---the only focus for me is to improve my practice of discipline, and I think the outputs will evolve and appear from there. And also? I'll give myself a break now and then. Because isn't that part of it too? To stop being so damn hard on ourselves, so very, very critical? This new "practice" won't be perfect, just better. It won't be all the time, or every time, just more often. And I think that is pretty much the best anyone can ask of themselves.
Life is too short, there is too much to do, so much to see---and I'm going to be disciplined about embracing it, whatever that looks like from day to day.
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