Bopril

Weekendings

Our weekend was simple and glorious and spent almost entirely outside.

Mother Nature gifted us a much needed and long overdue perfectly gorgeous weekend and we didn't waste a second.

Our neighborhood is quite literally dripping in spring and so we got out there and walked and rode scooters and played at the park and used bubbles and sidewalk chalk to excess and played with little neighbor friends and popped the cork on crisp whites and enjoyed dinners alfresco. Lunch too.

The kiddos ended their days dirty and exhausted which tees us up perfectly for summer just around the corner, yes?

And you?

In Memory

Our years in LA were full of all sorts of magic, everything new and shiny and on the cusp...of careers, of true independence, of new friendships, different relationships, a new life chapter. They were formative years to be sure, and while there were certainly difficulties in that sundrenched playground, when I think back on that time, the feeling that comes over me is mostly one that is carefree, wide open, full of forward momentum, nonstop fun.

I met my husband out there, started my career, learned how to really navigate adulthood, cemented important friendships that remain today. I felt strong, like I was where I needed to be. The water's edge was my refuge and I made a great life on the streets and in the studios and on the film lots and on the beach and in the bars and so on and so forth. 

And in the midst of all of it was Heather. Heather with the twinkling eyes, the megawatt smile. The uncanny ability to know every word to every song, ever, especially rap songs. Heather who loved to dance, who laughed out loud, vigorously, a lot. Heather the jewelry maker, the cat lover, the formidable flippy cup opponent. In every memory I have, she is laughing or dancing or both.

We left LA nearly eight years ago and built a new life and a family in Chicago. I haven't seen or spoken to Heather in those years, but I thought of her from time to time and prayed for her as she began a valiant and brave fight against metastatic breast cancer. I followed her journey from afar and was always astounded and inspired by her spirit, her character and her commitment to live the shit out of every single day, against enormous odds and obstacles.

She died last weekend. She was my age. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm glad she's at peace, that she no longer suffers. But as I read through some of the journal entries she published on her caring bridge page, I'm struck again and again by the notion that she wasn't finished, she had so much more to give, to do.

In her honor, I'm trying to keep perspective, practice constant gratitude, recognize every moment of every day for the true gift that they are. 

Rest well, sweet Heather. You were a mighty warrior, and your spirit lives on. I'll embrace every opportunity to take in a beach sunset, to sing along to rap songs, to dance with my kids. And I will think of you when I do.  

A Look Back: ReMEMEbering 2014

Another year, another internet meme style recap. :) I'll confess now that I deleted the questions that annoyed me this year, because frankly, who has time for that?! 

I'm predictably contemplative during this interlude between christmas and the new year -- honestly my favorite time of the year. It allows for mindful reflection, clearing of the literal and figurative clutter. I love a fresh start, a blank page, an empty canvas. 

I'm sad that christmas and it's special magic is over, and I miss my family in that acute way I always do when we say goodbye after extended time together, but I'm hopeful and optimistic, too. We packed away the holiday decorations today and gave the house a good cleaning. We streamlined and organized and scrubbed. It felt good. And now I address the mental cobwebs. Harder work, better rewards. An acceptable way to wind down one year and welcome another.

Here's looking at you, 2015.

But first, that look back:

1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before? Welcomed a second healthy baby — a first boy! — into the world. 

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Didn’t really make them, definitely didn’t keep them, am contemplating actually making them this year. They’ll be exceedingly simple if I do, to increase my odds of success. ;)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I did! And my sweet Wifey Ash welcomed her second baby, and many other friends and colleagues welcomed babies this year. It makes for lovely scrolling through the social media feeds.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My lifelong best friend lost her sweet Nana toward the end of the year. She was Nana to many, myself included, and the world isn’t the same without her. She is greatly missed, but her funeral illustrated what it means to live an extraordinary life. Her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends gathered in her honor and told beautiful stories and shared food and drink as we remembered her. Everyone should inspire such celebration. 

We also lost my Great Uncle Harry this year. An honorable man who did good, quiet work in the world and inspired those who loved him to do the same. The tribute from his wife, eldest son and only daughter at the funeral service were perhaps the best examples of the impact a single life can have on others that I've ever had the good fortune to witness. His passing was too soon and sad, and reminded me once more of the fragility of life, of the unavoidable truth that tomorrow is never certain and today requires our attention, our best selves, our love. 

5. What places did you visit? Charleston and Kiawah, Kentucky, Dallas for work, the lake, Florida to introduce the kids to Disney and to hang out with dear friends, Ohio and that’s about it. Same as last year, travel isn’t a big priority in this life season. I’m more than fine with that.

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? Peace. The ability to rest in the fact that we are where we are supposed to be, no matter what. I spent a lot of time locked in my own head in 2014, and I am evicting myself. Immediately.

7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? February 22 when we met our beautiful baby boy, June 30 when our gorgeous girl turned two and countless small moments that add up to a really beautiful life.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Learning — for the most part — how to parent two small children very close in age.

9. What was your biggest failure?  Exact same as last year: staying in my head too much, worrying (way) too much, letting the small stuff get to me. Allowing all of that to make me cranky and snappy and short-tempered (especially with BJ and Rowan) too often. Enough already. I’m not thrilled or proud that this pattern continued into a second consecutive year, so I’m committing to changing it in 2015.  One thing I’ll add for this year — I didn’t have the courage to make hard changes, even when I knew they would be right in the long haul. That’s something I’ll commit a decent amount of thought to early in this new year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing that warrants a mention, and seriously, what an amazing gift that is. Again, exact same as last year, and luckier still. 

11. What was the best thing you bought? Plane tickets that created experiences for our family — may we have many more in 2015, those that involve flights and those that we create here at home.

12. Where did most of your money go? Nanny, mortgage, savings and probably also (effing) credit cards. We added in school for Rowan this year, too. And so it begins. 

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Having a second baby and settling into life as a family of four. On the other side of how our story began, it really is a miracle that we have these amazing babies. Watching Rowan grow into a mini little person — she’s tremendous, truly. She stretches me in ways I wasn’t aware were possible.

14. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? The same I think? Possibly a little sadder which is ridiculous because life is so sweet and blessed. See aforementioned confession of spending too much time in my own head. I’m working on it.

b) thinner or fatter? Thinner because I’m no longer pregnant, but HOT DAMN, do I have a ways to go in this department.

c) richer or poorer? Probably the same here too, maybe a tinge poorer? Two kids are more expensive than one, and here’s the thing — our ratio of salary to spending has reached that famous impasse — we make more, we spend more. It’s an endless cycle. I’m so grateful for our blessings. We are so lucky. It’s all enough.

15. What do you wish you’d done more of? Switching up our routine, getting out of the house with the kids to try new things. Lining up babysitters and enjoying time out with my husband. Working out (so expected, it’s boring, right? But it’s also still true). 

16. What do you wish you’d done less of? Overthinking things. Losing my temper with my toddler daughter. Snapping at my husband/not really taking the time to listen to him and have conversations that didn’t revolve around our kids or life’s endless detritus. This season is crazy awesome, but also busy and intense with two little ones, and I didn’t work as hard as I could/should have to be a great wife alongside a great Mom.

17. How did you spend Christmas in 2014? My parents rented a house on Kiawah Island and we spent a week there with them, my brother and his new puppy. It flew by at warp speed, but it was a magical christmas, and I won’t soon forget those memories. It’s so great to love a family that you also really LIKE. They are the best company.

18. Did you fall in love in 2014? I spent all of 2014 with Beeg and Rowan and Graham and Jack and Cooper: the absolute loves of my life. I am immeasurably grateful.

19. What was your favorite TV program? House of Cards, Homeland, The Fall, Parenthood

20. What did you do for your birthday in 2014? I was in the hospital! Graham was born the day before, and he was definitely the best present I’ve ever received. Our doctor discharged us early so that we could be home on the evening of my birthday, and my parents decorated the house and greeted us with a cake that Rowan had picked out, aflame with candles. It was a perfectly lovely day. 

21. What was the best book you read? I loved Yes Please by Amy Poehler and Small Victories by Anne Lamott. I really must read more in 2015.

22. What did you want and get? Another healthy, happy baby.

23. What did you want and not get? Nothing apart from the superficial (hot bod, perhaps?), and I do recognize that for the blessing that it is.

24. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014? Creative camouflage. ;)

25. What kept you sane? My husband, my children, my fur babies, my family, good wine, good books, a little bit of time by the sea (never enough, but I drink it up whenever I can).

26. Who did you miss? My parents and my brother.  Ash and Beck and Robin (and the amazing six children between them). 

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014. I’ll borrow from the late Joan Rivers for this one: “Life is short. Enjoy it. Everything is funny. Calm down.”   I am going to try hard to carry the spirit of this with me into and throughout the new year. I didn’t succeed at this in 2014…there were way too many occasions when I let stress pour more water into the boat than I was able to bail out. I didn’t like the me that came out during those moments — the wife, the mom, the person. The good news though is that I’m a great wife and mom and person, I just have to get out of my own way. It’s doable and brand new years and their associated blank slates are perfect canvases for this sort of painting.

Carry on, warrior friends. :) A new year awaits.

Scenes From the Weekend

The last couple of months have been hectic, hard, heavy. Lots of plates spinning, and most of the time it feels like none of them are spinning particularly well. But as we close out one year and head for another, I'm getting predictably contemplative, and I'm working hard to choose joy, to relish the moments that matter, to let go of the rest. 

Husband is finishing up his final work trip of the year, so it was just me and the kiddos for four days. It was testing and exhausting, but more importantly, when I got out of my own way, it was simple and awesome and just what the doctor ordered. 

I had grand visions of loading them up and taking them to Zoo Lights or to the Disney themed holiday exhibit at the Museum of Science & Industry. Those things would have been lovely, I'm sure, but in the end, I wasn't up for it, and we kept things simple. 

A trip to Barnes & Noble for holiday book perusing and a little action at the lego table. Walks to Starbucks and throughout our neighborhood to find the best lights and decorations -- we branded them "twinkle walks." Time on the swings and the slides when the temps neared forty during a Chicago December. Puzzles and books and blocks on the floor. Cookie baking, newfound crawling skills, pulling up, singing, dance parties, and a million rounds of pull the ornaments off our tree and put them back again. Sure, there were also tantrums and tears and moments of frayed nerves and lost patience, but when I reflect on the weekend in full, I like to think the fun outweighed the not. 

Tonight, I bundled them into the stroller for one final twinkle walk, fed them dinner and let them FaceTime with Nana, Grandad, and Uncle Matt while they ate. We survived the double bath/jammies/teeth brushing routine and cuddled up on the floor of Rowan's room to read ten books in rapid succession. We said our prayer, sang our three-song bedtime line-up and I snuggled each of them into their cribs with wishes for sweet dreams and peaceful slumber.

There's a lot I don't know at this particular life juncture, but I do know this: those little people sleeping upstairs make me the luckiest.

In spite of the crazy, I adore this time of year.

Lately

Lately, I've been feeling heavy. The world's news is sad, our stories are sad and I think we are collectively struggling beneath the weight of them. Sometimes it seems as if we have forgotten that we are all different, but that our differences don't make us better than, they just make us...us. The shouting and insulting and negativity feels heavy. The sadness feels heavy. The fact that I need to navigate the best way to raise little people in the midst of all of that feels heaviest.

And so, there's this:

"Listen to the mustnt's, child, listen to the dont's. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the wont's. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."
-Shel Silverstein

Back At Work

The first day back has come and gone and we all survived. :)

It's such a hard thing to do to walk out the door and leave those sweet faces behind, but you want to know what helps?

The amazing network of fellow mommies and friends and family and coworkers that rose up to surround me and encourage me and remind me that, even though it sometimes breaks our hearts, we can do the hard things in life. And we don't have to do them alone.

So thank you. For every email, text, call and virtual hug via social media. For sending me off with a sweet card from the kiddos (Husband), and for coming to town to celebrate birthday week but also to give me an extra cushion when I really needed it (Mom). For going out of your way to stop by and see me and check in (amazing colleagues). And of course thanks goes to Nanny B for taking excellent care of my littles and for sending me photos throughout the day so I would miss them a little less. If it takes a village -- and I believe firmly that it does -- then I am a very lucky lady indeed, because my village is the best.

I am sad to leave my babies, but I am so grateful for the reminder of how awesome people can be. I feel so very supported and that's a true blessing.

We are going to be ok. :)

The Last Week

Tomorrow, I return to work after four wonderful months at home with my babies. 

I had all sorts of posts planned for last week -- our final one where my attention was theirs alone -- but when it came down to it, I didn't have the words.

My emotions are all over the place as anyone would expect, but what I feel most of all is grateful. I enjoyed these months more than any that came before them (a whole separate post is owed to the subject of the second maternity leave and all the reasons why we're able to enjoy it more than the first), and I am so happy to have been able to spend all of my minutes with the little faces that make my world go round. I know four months is nothing in the grand scheme of life, and they won't remember these individual days and moments, but I will. It was my honor to throw every ounce of my attention and my days into mothering them, and I will miss it so much. 

I also know having done this once before, that everything will be fine. We'll all adjust to our new normal and even though I will miss them fiercely, I will also enjoy reengaging a bit in another part of my life, another part of what makes me me. And I'll squeeze every possible minute out of our mornings and evenings and I'll treasure my 'Mommy Fridays' and our family weekends above all else. It's going to be a great summer.

But before we dive head first back into reality, I want to record a few thoughts from our last week of maternity leave. I took Rowan on another Date With Mommy and we had so much fun. It couldn't have been more simple, just a stop at Starbucks and then a couple of hours at a new-to-us park and walking along the lakefront, checking out boats and ducks and flowers. I regret not doing these dates the whole time I was on leave, but I'm thrilled we got a couple in at the end. I'd like to make it a regular part of her routine as she grows -- the uninterrupted time with my best girl does us both a lot of good. We chatted away and I just loved watching her do her thing, my sweet, big girl. :)

The rest of the week was full of playing and reading and going for walks and trips to the park and cuddling and kissing cheeks and laughing, laughing, laughing. I eased us into longer periods of time apart by spending most mornings taking care of errands, appointments and work-outs while the littles hung with Nanny B and then devoting the entire afternoons to fun. It was a great balance. We decided to end my leave with a weekend at the lake, and I'm thrilled that we did. It had been a while, and I'd forgotten just how much we love it there. It's a lovely sanctuary and given Rowan's enthusiastic response to boat rides and time in the water, I think we'll enjoy several more visits this summer. Thanks so much, Mimi, for hosting us and letting us crash your lovely home with an army's worth of baby, toddler and doggie paraphernalia. :) We had such fun.

 

 

 

We woke up early this morning, packed up the car and the kiddos, said goodbye to Mimi and Uncle Kevin and made record time getting back to the city. Bags are unpacked and bottles and laundry are being washed. Little people are napping in their cribs and bigger people are gearing up to begin a new routine come morning. Wish us luck? 

And courtesy of MIL and her amazing lakeside home, I thought it fitting to end this post (and to begin our new routine) with a few oh-so-appropriate words of wisdom:

:)

Fit Chronicles

The bad news is that I'm sort of (ok, really) failing at the documentation of this fitness journey, but the good news is that I've actually (mostly) stuck with the doing part. And if I'm going to fail at one, I'd rather it be the documenting versus the doing, you know? 

I really do find that the documenting helps with accountability though, so here I am again. Since I last left off, I have been mostly hitting my goal of working out at least four times a week, and have also added in another challenge to myself which I'm summing up via hashtag, because of course I am. If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably seen it once or twice, but these days, my mantra loosely translates to #moveeverydamnday. Sometimes that is a more formal workout like a run or a Bar Method class, but other times, it is a long walk with the double stroller or taking the stairs versus the elevator at Target. It sounds silly, but I think these little things are what adds up to shifting into a more active lifestyle overall, and that's the goal. I really need to get a FitBit so I can formally track those steps and see what they're adding up to from a mileage perspective, but in the interim, I'm quite simply challenging myself to move (every damn day) and to clean up my diet most of the time. 

Last week featured two Bar Method classes and two runs in addition to walks with the kiddos every day. I did mostly ok on the diet front, but also had wine most days, so maybe I broke even? ;)

Next week is my final week of maternity leave (how did THAT happen), and from there is where things get really interesting. I'm going to try hard to commit to not letting these habits slip as I've done previously. I'm reminding myself that it is a commitment to my health which in turn makes me a better wife, mom, colleague, etc. Wish me luck?

In the interim, I will just keep moving.

*super awesome photo as I was walking home from the Bar Method. Is there anything harder than thinking of ways to photograph a fitness journey? Fine, there are a million things harder, but still...

Charleston and Memorial Day

Our infamous road trip delivered us to a full week of family fun in Charleston, concluding back in Chicago on Memorial Day itself. I have raved about Charleston before, and the love affair definitely continues. Uncle Matt was again the perfect host, allowing us to completely take over his home with an army of baby and toddler gear and even discovering a lovely park in his neighborhood that we frequented nearly every day. A huge park with multiple play structures and plentiful shade thanks to South Carolina's famous (and huge!) oak trees. Its view of the water wasn't a shabby way to begin the day either.

There was something for everyone on this trip: the park for Rowan, its adjoining dog park for the boys, and the beach and pool for all of us. We enjoyed a couple of meals out, but Husband also fired up the grill much of the week as is his custom and most evenings found us curled up in Matt's living room munching on his usual (awesome) staples.

Rowan conquered initial hesitation toward the sand and the pool, but remained very cautious with the ocean, preferring to observe it from a safe distance and splash in nearby tidepools instead. The building of sand castles, however -- and especially carrying water to and from the tidepools in her buckets -- was an activity she never tired of. "So much fun, Mommy! Building sand castles!" She also struck up quite the admiration for kite surfers ("want to touch it!") and a sweet dog named Molly who allowed Rowan to throw her tennis ball for quite a while on two different days (and patiently endured the two feet fetch distance for the length of the game). 

A couple of hours into our first pool day, our girl was jumping from the side with zero hesitation and happily splashing away in the kiddie pool which featured sections that were one and two feet deep. Perfect for her! She did not care for the puddle jumper floatie we purchased, but overall, I was pleased with her adjustment to the water. I am hoping for many more water filled days this summer.

Graham also took his first dip in the pool and seemed to quite enjoy himself so long as I maintained a tight grip at all times. He was very soothed by the ocean and spent a lot of time snoozing in the stroller as I pushed him back and forth along the surf.

One afternoon, we snuck out and took Rowan to the beach on her own while Nana hung with Graham at home. I think she really enjoyed a few hours with her parents all to herself and we jumped in the waves (which she'd happily do as long as we held her), built more sand castles, chased birds and admired the kite surfers.

We loved our time with Nana and Uncle Matt and were really excited to see Grandad briefly at the end of the trip, too. There is nothing better than family time, and adding sun and surf really sweetens the deal. 

Happy belated Memorial Day! And a huge thank you to the men and women who serve our country and to their families for their sacrifice. 

xo

And now for an excessive photo display of our fun:

 

 

Mother's Day

We had a lovely weekend, and my second Mother's Day was a terrific celebration of this awesome, testing, life-changing role that I love so much. Friday was a normal day for me and the kiddos except for the addition of a play-date in the morning with a colleague and her adorable boys. The day went by quickly, Daddy came home and we settled into the business of celebrating our weekend. I enjoyed a run on Saturday morning, and then switched off with Husband so he could get a few miles in while I loaded the kiddos into the stroller and headed for Starbucks. Repeated sightings of little people with balloons had us on a search to score one for Rowan, and we succeeded, bumping into a neighborhood street fair, complete with a life-sized Elmo (whom Rowan ignored completely in her quest to grab a balloon, or "bayoon" as she would say). Purple balloon safely in hand, we continued on our walk home to meet Daddy.

It has become a bit of a tradition to do our planting on this weekend, so we headed to Home Depot where we stocked one cart with kids and the other full of soil and mulch and flowers to bring our landscaping vision (if one could call it that) to life. Rowan really enjoyed this activity and seems to have a strong affinity for all floral life, pointing out every tulip in our neighborhood during our walks and declaring them "gorgeous," and "so, so pretty!" after first naming them by individual color.

During nap-time and well into the afternoon, Husband did the manual labor to ready our city-patch-yard for spring while I was given a pass and instead sat in the sun with my Kindle. Lovely!

The weather was spectacular (hot!), so we enjoyed ourselves and our new flowers in the yard for the remainder of the day, until the dinner, bath and bedtime routine beckoned us inside. Husband even installed an umbrella on the patio so the kiddos could have shade (Mommy likes it too!).

I awoke on Sunday to an enormous "bayoon" and cards from the kiddos (adorable), and then we headed out for a (very) early morning walk and Starbucks run. Daddy and Rowan needed to finish up a few errands, so Graham and I stayed behind for some napping (him) and reading (me). All four of us enjoyed a delicious lunch at a neighborhood favorite, and then it was more fun in the yard for the afternoon.

Apart from delicious family time, I really only wanted two things: 1) the panama hat I'd been coveting from JCrew, and 2) a decent photo of me with both kiddos. Husband delivered as best he could on both fronts (thanks, babe!).

We'll keep working on that photo (ha), but it was a perfect day and I am so blessed and so happy to be their Mommy. It's my greatest joy -- they're my greatest joy.

A (belated) happy Mother's Day to all who mother in any fashion. And a special shout-out to my wonderful Mom and MIL who are great examples and guides on this parenting journey.