Bopril

G Diaries: Ten Months!

Darling boy,

Last week, we enjoyed a lovely holiday vacation and in the midst of it, you quietly hit double digits -- TEN MONTHS OLD! The curve from here to your first birthday really is so short, and we'll be watching you with cake and candles in a blink. Isn't that the craziest thing? And also the awesome-est? (That's totally a word, sweet boy.)

Ten months means mobility, little man. You have a crawl that is uniquely you, and you cover impressive ground at warp speed, your little right leg tucked beneath you as you go. Of course, your preferred paths are those that lead to the heaviest drawers, the sharpest corners, the smallest of choke hazards that your sister has left strewn about the room. Suffice it to say that we spend a lot of time running after you and diverting you right now. We've installed the baby jail for you, and you'll give us small stretches of time playing in there, but the truth is that you're happiest where we are, and you don't suffer isolation much at all.

The bouncer is tolerable, but only just, and I think we'll say goodbye in the month ahead. You'll crash around in there for a bit, but it is limiting to your mobility and you typically demand to get out within ten minutes of getting in. I understand, sweet boy. :) 

Eating and sleeping continue to go swimmingly, and you are a master with food now. Your pincher grasp is professional grade and you shovel in whatever we put in front of you with gusto and a constant accompanying "mmmmmmm!" You're napping twice daily and hitting the hay around 7pm each night after books and prayers and songs (and a bath on alternating nights), waking with a smile between 6 and 7 each morning. I remain certain that retrieving you from your crib is one of the great treasures of this life -- you light up when you see me, and everything within me lights up too. Thank you for that. It's a wonderful thing to be loved that way. 

Teething has been a full time job for you lately, and you've got quite the mouthful. Coupled with your second double-ear infection and a recent stomach bug, we've seen the inside of the doctors office and remote urgent care facilities more than I'd like, but your sweet spirit never wavers and we snuggle you through each episode with antibiotics and motrin and cold things to chew and your favorite soft blankies. 

You're shaping up to be quite loquacious, and you babble all day long..."mama, dada, mmmm, ack" and lots of gibberish and squealing mixed in. You mimic us too, and it's the greatest. You'll shake your head no, lift your arms adorably to display that you're SO BIG and perhaps best of all, you'll demand our attention in your own special way. If I'm looking at my phone while holding you (or really doing anything other than giving you my full attention), you lean around and put your face directly in front of mine as if to say "hey, I'm over here, lady!" My heart explodes every time. 

I pray that I'll always remember the way you fit perfectly against me right now, your head nestled onto my shoulder. You'll be off and running in no time, but at this life moment, you still strongly prefer your Mama, and we enjoy plentiful snuggles. I don't know how to accurately describe the bittersweet feeling that washes over me: a conflating tangle of wanting to enjoy the moment, remember every sensation and of course, the useless wish to freeze time and keep you -- and us -- right here, right now where things are safe and warm and lovely. Time doesn't work like that, little guy, it marches on as it should and I will joyously welcome each and every day that I am able to march alongside you. 

We love you mightily, Graham. Happy ten months, love bug.

Mommy

A Look Back: ReMEMEbering 2014

Another year, another internet meme style recap. :) I'll confess now that I deleted the questions that annoyed me this year, because frankly, who has time for that?! 

I'm predictably contemplative during this interlude between christmas and the new year -- honestly my favorite time of the year. It allows for mindful reflection, clearing of the literal and figurative clutter. I love a fresh start, a blank page, an empty canvas. 

I'm sad that christmas and it's special magic is over, and I miss my family in that acute way I always do when we say goodbye after extended time together, but I'm hopeful and optimistic, too. We packed away the holiday decorations today and gave the house a good cleaning. We streamlined and organized and scrubbed. It felt good. And now I address the mental cobwebs. Harder work, better rewards. An acceptable way to wind down one year and welcome another.

Here's looking at you, 2015.

But first, that look back:

1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before? Welcomed a second healthy baby — a first boy! — into the world. 

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Didn’t really make them, definitely didn’t keep them, am contemplating actually making them this year. They’ll be exceedingly simple if I do, to increase my odds of success. ;)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I did! And my sweet Wifey Ash welcomed her second baby, and many other friends and colleagues welcomed babies this year. It makes for lovely scrolling through the social media feeds.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My lifelong best friend lost her sweet Nana toward the end of the year. She was Nana to many, myself included, and the world isn’t the same without her. She is greatly missed, but her funeral illustrated what it means to live an extraordinary life. Her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends gathered in her honor and told beautiful stories and shared food and drink as we remembered her. Everyone should inspire such celebration. 

We also lost my Great Uncle Harry this year. An honorable man who did good, quiet work in the world and inspired those who loved him to do the same. The tribute from his wife, eldest son and only daughter at the funeral service were perhaps the best examples of the impact a single life can have on others that I've ever had the good fortune to witness. His passing was too soon and sad, and reminded me once more of the fragility of life, of the unavoidable truth that tomorrow is never certain and today requires our attention, our best selves, our love. 

5. What places did you visit? Charleston and Kiawah, Kentucky, Dallas for work, the lake, Florida to introduce the kids to Disney and to hang out with dear friends, Ohio and that’s about it. Same as last year, travel isn’t a big priority in this life season. I’m more than fine with that.

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? Peace. The ability to rest in the fact that we are where we are supposed to be, no matter what. I spent a lot of time locked in my own head in 2014, and I am evicting myself. Immediately.

7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? February 22 when we met our beautiful baby boy, June 30 when our gorgeous girl turned two and countless small moments that add up to a really beautiful life.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Learning — for the most part — how to parent two small children very close in age.

9. What was your biggest failure?  Exact same as last year: staying in my head too much, worrying (way) too much, letting the small stuff get to me. Allowing all of that to make me cranky and snappy and short-tempered (especially with BJ and Rowan) too often. Enough already. I’m not thrilled or proud that this pattern continued into a second consecutive year, so I’m committing to changing it in 2015.  One thing I’ll add for this year — I didn’t have the courage to make hard changes, even when I knew they would be right in the long haul. That’s something I’ll commit a decent amount of thought to early in this new year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing that warrants a mention, and seriously, what an amazing gift that is. Again, exact same as last year, and luckier still. 

11. What was the best thing you bought? Plane tickets that created experiences for our family — may we have many more in 2015, those that involve flights and those that we create here at home.

12. Where did most of your money go? Nanny, mortgage, savings and probably also (effing) credit cards. We added in school for Rowan this year, too. And so it begins. 

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Having a second baby and settling into life as a family of four. On the other side of how our story began, it really is a miracle that we have these amazing babies. Watching Rowan grow into a mini little person — she’s tremendous, truly. She stretches me in ways I wasn’t aware were possible.

14. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? The same I think? Possibly a little sadder which is ridiculous because life is so sweet and blessed. See aforementioned confession of spending too much time in my own head. I’m working on it.

b) thinner or fatter? Thinner because I’m no longer pregnant, but HOT DAMN, do I have a ways to go in this department.

c) richer or poorer? Probably the same here too, maybe a tinge poorer? Two kids are more expensive than one, and here’s the thing — our ratio of salary to spending has reached that famous impasse — we make more, we spend more. It’s an endless cycle. I’m so grateful for our blessings. We are so lucky. It’s all enough.

15. What do you wish you’d done more of? Switching up our routine, getting out of the house with the kids to try new things. Lining up babysitters and enjoying time out with my husband. Working out (so expected, it’s boring, right? But it’s also still true). 

16. What do you wish you’d done less of? Overthinking things. Losing my temper with my toddler daughter. Snapping at my husband/not really taking the time to listen to him and have conversations that didn’t revolve around our kids or life’s endless detritus. This season is crazy awesome, but also busy and intense with two little ones, and I didn’t work as hard as I could/should have to be a great wife alongside a great Mom.

17. How did you spend Christmas in 2014? My parents rented a house on Kiawah Island and we spent a week there with them, my brother and his new puppy. It flew by at warp speed, but it was a magical christmas, and I won’t soon forget those memories. It’s so great to love a family that you also really LIKE. They are the best company.

18. Did you fall in love in 2014? I spent all of 2014 with Beeg and Rowan and Graham and Jack and Cooper: the absolute loves of my life. I am immeasurably grateful.

19. What was your favorite TV program? House of Cards, Homeland, The Fall, Parenthood

20. What did you do for your birthday in 2014? I was in the hospital! Graham was born the day before, and he was definitely the best present I’ve ever received. Our doctor discharged us early so that we could be home on the evening of my birthday, and my parents decorated the house and greeted us with a cake that Rowan had picked out, aflame with candles. It was a perfectly lovely day. 

21. What was the best book you read? I loved Yes Please by Amy Poehler and Small Victories by Anne Lamott. I really must read more in 2015.

22. What did you want and get? Another healthy, happy baby.

23. What did you want and not get? Nothing apart from the superficial (hot bod, perhaps?), and I do recognize that for the blessing that it is.

24. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014? Creative camouflage. ;)

25. What kept you sane? My husband, my children, my fur babies, my family, good wine, good books, a little bit of time by the sea (never enough, but I drink it up whenever I can).

26. Who did you miss? My parents and my brother.  Ash and Beck and Robin (and the amazing six children between them). 

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014. I’ll borrow from the late Joan Rivers for this one: “Life is short. Enjoy it. Everything is funny. Calm down.”   I am going to try hard to carry the spirit of this with me into and throughout the new year. I didn’t succeed at this in 2014…there were way too many occasions when I let stress pour more water into the boat than I was able to bail out. I didn’t like the me that came out during those moments — the wife, the mom, the person. The good news though is that I’m a great wife and mom and person, I just have to get out of my own way. It’s doable and brand new years and their associated blank slates are perfect canvases for this sort of painting.

Carry on, warrior friends. :) A new year awaits.

Merry Christmas, 2014!

We are cozily holed up at a lovely Kiawah Island home that Grandad rented for the week. This is the last "remote" Christmas, and future years will find us hunkered at home where Santa can spoil the littles without the requirement of theatric shipping feats to get everything home. :)

Logistics and lousy weather aside, we are making memories galore snuggled up together. We've even got a sweet Christmas puppy frolicking around, thanks to Uncle Matt and his newest addition, Sully. There have been meals cooked inside, bundled up walks outside, coloring, reading, playing and puzzle-building, and sweet Graham has covered every square inch of the house with his unique crawl. 

And of course, we've been busy creating a lovely Christmas, G's first, and from the size of the smiles on everyone's faces this morning, I'd say we've succeeded. Santa and his reindeer were properly feted with cookies and carrots last night, and after a slightly harried church experience, we enjoyed a lovely christmas eve dinner. We hurried home to read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' to jammie-clad babies and tuck them into a perfectly silent night. 

I crept quietly into Rowan's room this morning, G in my arms, and she stood up and said "Merry Christmas, Mommy!" in her sweet voice, and there's just nothing else in the world I want or need. We headed downstairs to enjoy Santa's mighty haul, but as I watched the lovely scene unfolding in front of me, I was reminded anew that the greatest gifts of Christmas have nothing to do with presents. 

This life can really be an embarassment of riches sometimes, and I'm immensely grateful for my beautiful, healthy children, my amazing husband and partner in crime, another christmas in the company of my parents and brother (my original merry compadres, and still the best around), and the tremendous blessing of parents who strive to create experiences where our whole family can come together in celebration.

My heart is so full, and I hold those families who aren't having such a lovely season-- or who aren't able to be together for whatever reason -- within it and I wish for them peace and love and healing.

Merry Christmas, one and all!

Santa 2014

We paid a visit to the Jolly Man himself last weekend. It was a long 90 minute wait that backed up to lunch and nap time and had Rowan hurling herself to the ground on multiple occasions and even sweet G protesting with fussing and eye rubbing.

But then it was our turn, and even though Rowan clammed up and didn't tell him her Christmas wish list, they enjoyed their moment with him and each left clutching a little dog, their parting gift for being good little elves. For days, Rowan recounted the experience and said "I didn't tell him anything, I need to go back!" I think we have her convinced that she can draw him a picture and call it a day, time will tell. :)

This is our final week of work and deadlines and craziness, and on Friday, we head for sunshine and beaches and a Brock Family Christmas. I can't wait, but I hope to enjoy many magical holiday moments between now and then. Onward we go...ho ho ho!

 

 

Scenes From the Weekend

The last couple of months have been hectic, hard, heavy. Lots of plates spinning, and most of the time it feels like none of them are spinning particularly well. But as we close out one year and head for another, I'm getting predictably contemplative, and I'm working hard to choose joy, to relish the moments that matter, to let go of the rest. 

Husband is finishing up his final work trip of the year, so it was just me and the kiddos for four days. It was testing and exhausting, but more importantly, when I got out of my own way, it was simple and awesome and just what the doctor ordered. 

I had grand visions of loading them up and taking them to Zoo Lights or to the Disney themed holiday exhibit at the Museum of Science & Industry. Those things would have been lovely, I'm sure, but in the end, I wasn't up for it, and we kept things simple. 

A trip to Barnes & Noble for holiday book perusing and a little action at the lego table. Walks to Starbucks and throughout our neighborhood to find the best lights and decorations -- we branded them "twinkle walks." Time on the swings and the slides when the temps neared forty during a Chicago December. Puzzles and books and blocks on the floor. Cookie baking, newfound crawling skills, pulling up, singing, dance parties, and a million rounds of pull the ornaments off our tree and put them back again. Sure, there were also tantrums and tears and moments of frayed nerves and lost patience, but when I reflect on the weekend in full, I like to think the fun outweighed the not. 

Tonight, I bundled them into the stroller for one final twinkle walk, fed them dinner and let them FaceTime with Nana, Grandad, and Uncle Matt while they ate. We survived the double bath/jammies/teeth brushing routine and cuddled up on the floor of Rowan's room to read ten books in rapid succession. We said our prayer, sang our three-song bedtime line-up and I snuggled each of them into their cribs with wishes for sweet dreams and peaceful slumber.

There's a lot I don't know at this particular life juncture, but I do know this: those little people sleeping upstairs make me the luckiest.

In spite of the crazy, I adore this time of year.

At the Tree Farm

After our cozy turkey day, we accompanied Mimi to the local Christmas tree farm to find the perfect little tree to adorn her living room for the season. It was freezing so we couldn't take advantage of the horse-drawn tractor rides (not sure I'd love that anyway), but we braved the temps long enough to find our little sapling and move along.

Can the whole world just be one giant Christmas tree lot 24/7? With twinkle lights and hot chocolate and a sprinkling of snow to make it legit? I can't think of anything better.

I love this time of year. It's a blessing to celebrate it with my sweet little family and fun traditions like this one.

Merry, merry!

Thankful

There is so much to celebrate and be thankful for this year, even as the world spins madly on with some saddening and terrifying issues at play.

I am especially thankful for the space (and a little grace, frankly) to slow down for the span of a few days...to just BE.

Lately I have felt very much like I am stuck on the proverbial hamster wheel and the setting has been permanently dialed to the highest possible speed. It makes for a pretty severe sense of inertia, and far too often, I am just holding on, gripping tightly to each thing on the list, each minute in the day. It isn't the first way I'd choose to live my one great life, and yet it is just that...a great life that I adore more each day.

This holiday though, we really slowed down. We joined Mimi and Uncle Kevin at the lake and while the wind whipped and the snow (!) fell outside, we got comfy and cozy inside.

I assembled Lincoln logs and train tracks with my girl, we drew pictures as the minutes ticked down toward bed time. We sang songs and read books and told stories and we watched a little TV in there too. We watched as G attempted to crawl again and again and we passed him back and forth and reveled in this sweet stage. He gifted me a chest nap one especially cozy afternoon, and I was so very grateful for that. It was a moment where I was keenly awake to the significance which is so rare in these days of hustle and bustle. Chest naps are one of those elusive things in parenting. Amazing and sweet and ordinary until they are gone and you can't quite remember your last. If this is indeed ours, I am so thankful to be able to commit it to memory this way.

As ever, I am aware of my blessings and good fortune and I celebrate every moment of good health and happiness with this amazing little family of mine and our extended family and friends. I'm grateful for the ability to learn and grow every day and for the awesome responsibility to raise these little people so that they're kind and caring members of the world, comfortable in their own skin (please oh please) and sure of their place, at least most of the time.

I hope you enjoyed at least a few moments of stillness this thanksgiving, friends, and that you were able to find and celebrate your blessings within them.

And now we are on to the Christmas season -- my favorite -- and I'm committed to searching for more opportunities to BE with those I adore most.

Graham Diaries: Six Months!

Dear Graham,

Buddy, we've reached your half-birthday and while you're still little overall, it really feels as if you've always been here. I've been describing you as a dream boat for a while now, and it remains absolutely accurate. You are sheer light and joy almost every hour of the day. Your smile swallows your entire face, and you now show your happiness with full body wiggling and flailing of arms and legs. You are especially dramatic about it when Mommy gets home from work in the evenings, and it is my favorite thing, ever. I've been back at work about two months now, and while we've got our rhythm down pat, I still struggle mightily leaving you and your sister each day. But your glee when I come back makes it easier, sweet boy. That's you in a nutshell -- you make everything easier, happier, more fun.

It's been a big month for you, and you're a solid foods enthusiast. You adore your morning oatmeal cereal and have welcomed with an open mouth and many shrieks and "mmmmmsss!" sweet potatoes, carrots and apples. Peas are the only thing that have elicited a yucky face, and you steadfastly refuse them. Time will tell on the green things, little man. I have plans of trying squash and bananas in the week ahead, and maybe avocado after that. I had forgotten how much fun it is to test new foods for the first time, and I'm thrilled that you love it so much. Formula still rounds out your nutrition, and you're doing four bottles a day, eight ounces each (6, 10, 2 and 6, with occasional variances on the half hour). Just today, you tried a little water from a sippy cup, and took to it like a pro right away. The cold prompted a bit of a startle, but a grin immediately followed and you slurped down a few more gulps. We also switched your bottle nipples over to level three and increased your pacifier size which had an interesting impact: where before, you were only ever mildly interested, you suddenly love your paci, keeping it the entire time you're sleeping and even wanting it off and on throughout the day. Perhaps you've inherited your sister's binky affinity after all?

Speaking of sleep, you're still such a champion on that front. You go down around 6:30 each evening and routinely sleep until 6 or 6:30 in the morning. You cuddle your little giraffe blanky and your monkey lovey and drift off into sweet dream-land. I always find you on your tummy when I come in to get you in the morning and after naps, and when you see me, your grin lights up my world and we play a bit of peek-a-boo through the bars of your crib. It's the greatest, and I'll remember those moments forever, even when you're a teenager who is way too cool for Mama (please never be too cool for me, buddy!).

You are exceptionally active these days. You roll like a maniac and can get yourself across a room with impressive speed. Even our largest quilt fails to contain you when you get going. You reach for toys and in the past couple of days have started pushing up onto your knees and rocking back and forth. Crawling may soon be a reality in our lives, little man (I'm not ready!). You can sit up for a minute or so unassisted, but still topple over after that. I often fear you're going to shatter the springs of your jumperoo -- you are a wild man in there! You squeal and giggle and talk as you jump, and it is definitely one of your favorite ways to hang out. Just today I packed away the bumbo seat (you're too jerky-motioned in there and I'm afraid you'll topple the whole thing over), your boppy pillow and your wee baby activity mat. It was time, none of those things could contain you or hold your interest, but I tucked them into your closet with a little sadness. Wasn't it just yesterday when we pulled each of them out for the first time? I think your days in the bouncy chair are also limited; you strain and turn to the side and can almost sit upright in it, and by next month's update, it's likely to join the others in storage. The same can be said of the rock-n-play, and I have no idea how I will manage to shower and get ready in the mornings without that blessed gadget. 

You adore Rowan and the dogs, and you cannot keep from grinning in their presence. Rowan is mostly patient with you, but I am sure the months ahead hold some frustration for both of you as you test your mobility and independence and she tests her new-found love of space and two-year-old defiance. In between all of that though, I glimpse the beginnings of such a beautiful relationship, and it makes my heart sing. I am thrilled that you'll always have each other, and I hope that you'll find a unique solace and comfort in her that you can't find anywhere else. 

You've blessed this family and my life in more ways that I can count, Grammer-Jammer. We adore you, and I can't wait for what's ahead. On our way there though, I'm going to snuggle and kiss and relish you at every available opportunity.

Happy half-birthday, beautiful boy.

Love, 

Mama

 

Labor Day 2014

I have thought on more than one occasion that this has been the summer of ordinary things. I haven't thought it in a negative way, more just a statement of fact and a reflection of the season we are in. With two very small kids and busy work weeks for Mom and Dad, the weekends inevitably catch the debris of life in the form of errands and chores and lots of play time at home in between. Once or twice, I've had a slight pang that I didn't plan enough fun things for Rowan, didn't keep us outside enough to really enjoy the weather, especially since all signs point to another frigid winter ahead. But I generally shrug all of that off; she's two, she'll remember that we had fun every day, whether that was at our neighborhood park or doing our 100th round of ring-around-the-rosie in our living room. I remind myself that what she'll remember is that we were together, that we laughed, that we read books and sang songs and learned all sorts of things. It's a good reminder.

The truth is, there is such joy in the ordinary things -- today is proof of that. Just back from a lovely lake weekend, the morning was swallowed with errands to restock our fridge and pantry and diaper stations and formula for the week. We played at home, enjoyed lunch, reveled in nap time (that was mostly me) and then played a little at the park before dinner and bath and bed. These little people are such joys and they've taught me to mark the seasons in totally different ways. Summer 2014 was full of glorious, lucky, blessed ordinary. May we enjoy much more ahead.

I recently stumbled across one of those posts everyone seems to be doing lately -- celebrating the working Mom with a "how she does it" write up. I'm fascinated with the ways in which families structure their days, how they blend work with family and wring every last drop from both. This one was no exception, and one of her quotes struck me: she said that her biggest pet peeve is when people say they don't have time. "You don't get time. You have to make it." That has had me thinking all day. 

I don't claim to know any recipe for doing it right, but I do know that this weekend, we made time. And it was so lovely. As the sun sets on summer and fall looms around the corner, I hope to remember to make sufficient time for more ordinary. Happy end of summer, friends.

Lately

Lately, I've been feeling heavy. The world's news is sad, our stories are sad and I think we are collectively struggling beneath the weight of them. Sometimes it seems as if we have forgotten that we are all different, but that our differences don't make us better than, they just make us...us. The shouting and insulting and negativity feels heavy. The sadness feels heavy. The fact that I need to navigate the best way to raise little people in the midst of all of that feels heaviest.

And so, there's this:

"Listen to the mustnt's, child, listen to the dont's. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the wont's. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."
-Shel Silverstein